I’ve heard that statement before. Actually more times than I want to admit to hearing.
When a man has a brilliant idea to work on the vehicle and the statement that comes out of their mouth is, “Honey this won’t take long,” 5 hours later, 3 broken tools, and a long list of foul mouth words later, the project is finally complete.
I now laugh when I hear this phrase come out of my fiances mouth. I couldn’t tell you how many times I have heard this and it never takes as long as “he” projects. I have gotten to the point where I record his projections with proof of the time only because I love to humor the situation. I know this is become a comical situation with surprises we never expected. This project is projected to be completed at 7 pm, it is now 5 pm. How long does it take to do a brake job on all four tires? We will soon find out.
I am usually around when he works on projects, sometimes I help but, 9 times out of 10, I really wish I would have recorded the whole ordeal. Just watching him set up takes a good half hour. I don’t know if other men work on projects like this, but I thought this time I should totally blog about this experience. I wanted to feel the creative juices flow while watching this play out in real life.
Now mind you, this is a jacked up jeep on 35s, with the only tools in the jeep being a star, two wrenches, and a jack. This is a difficult job when you are working with a tiny parking spot with no power tools as it is, but to put a time on it.. that’s hilarious.
The fact he came home and said he going going to change the breaks, and then ten minutes later I’m watching him watch YouTube videos on how to change brakes on a Jeep Wrangler with 35 inch tires and a lift kit, makes me want to fall over laughing. Of course, I didn’t believe his statement, “honey, this won’t take long”.
This jeep and I go way back. We have history, I hate it, but at times love it! This jeep is a money pit, and every time I turn around I see dollar signs. The sad part is, the money isn’t to upkeep the black hole( the jeep is black), but it’s from modifications that never seem to end. The man mentality…. its not cool until it looks like a beast on steroids! Don’t worry, I finally put a stop to the modifications because I can’t tolerate all the time spent outside and money thrown at this tar pit.
As I’m sitting here writing this fascinating story as it plays out in 120 degree weather (thank you Phoenix), he has circled around the jeep 3 times, opened every door, pulling stuff off the seats, looking in the glove box and center console, looking for his keys that are more than likely in his back pocket. This is where we find everything that goes missing and yet, every time, he looks elsewhere rather than looking in his back pocket. I finally looked up at him and asked him, “What was wrong honey?”, and he mumbles to himself, “looking for the keys.” I knew right then and there, I’m going to be out here all night (my projected time 10 pm) lol. Guess where the keys were….. you called it, they were in his back pocket!
I feel for the man, it doesn’t help when he is limited on tools and really the space to do this kind of work. We after all live in a apartment complex with the worst parking jobs I have ever seen(you should see some of these people, they actually have a license).
So, being pinned up next to a car while trying to jack a wheel up to do a brake job is like trying to squeeze through a door way in an extreme hoarders home. Passing for air because everything around you is sucking up the oxygen around you. At the same time though… this is comical! So imagine sweating profusely while being pinned up against a car that’s parked diagonal, so diagonal that your surprised they can get their car in or out of the parking spot without ripping off a mirror or a fender. I call it the “Still Water Way” (apartments of course). Your not cool in this complex unless you park so bad that the person next to you has to swing way to the left to pull out, all the while making sure to not rip off the mirror in the process. After all you don’t want your car to look like that idiots car, do you?
But I must say, he may win this one. After having a neighbor come by, talking nonstop the whole time, he’s getting close to the 7 pm mark. Watching him squeezing between the car and jeep, being courteous to the neighbor while he talks, and do it all without one cuss word, I must say… I’m impressed!
Ten minutes to go and he’s tightening the lug nuts. I almost wish I could change the time on my phone so I could win this one. I’m sure there’s an app to fake the time, after all there is an app for everything.
The dreaded nine minutes and he looks at me and says, “I did it! “ my statement to him was,” you have nine minutes to clean up or I win!” I guess he didn’t read the terms of the agreement at the bottom lol!
Six minutes left and there is tools and trash all around the back of the jeep. I might still have a fighting chance! All the while he is being a little smart butt and saying, “I’ll just wait to the last second to pick it all up and still win”.
Four minutes, it’s now apparent he had terms at the bottom of our agreement because now he’s stating, he has a 15 minute credit because the neighbor stopped and talked to us.
Two minutes, and he’s cleaning out the trunk. He’s doing it so slowly, I’m thinking he really believes he has a 15 minute credit.
Time!
Results: I allowed the 15 minute credit! I pitied him… he’s pouring with sweat and looks like he rolled around in a tar pit himself. I couldn’t bring myself to dance around the parking lot, singing I win!
Us women usually always love to play with men while they are working. There is nothing better than a race while doing stuff we either hate to do or dread doing to begin with. He wasn’t to far off on his estimated time this time.. we’ll see about the next one!
